Workshop (aka A Horror Story)

Geez louise I have not been good at the whole blog thing..... and I've had some GREAT stuff to blog about lately, just no time to do it. But this week on the calendar is pretty much wide open for me so I'm hoping to get in maybe 2 - 3 blogs this week. Yeah, but don't hold your breath or anything!!! I'm munching on some tasty sugar free candy and sipping my coffee and trying to decide.... do I want to talk about Dr. Skinny first, KidStuf last nite, or the antique trips/garage sale finds????? Ok, since I've had requests for Dr. Skinny I'll do that. But I'll have you know I have to get up from my comfy spot on the couch and walk all the way (like 20 feet) to my truck to get my notebook from class to do it. Sigh.
Alrightty. Well, on 9/25 I had to have my short story "workshopped." What that means is this: we had to write an 8 - 10 page short story that couldn't be a love story or horror or something.... just had to be realistic fiction. Then you give everyone a copy and the next class they come in and we get in a circle and they critique it. They also go over their copy of it and make notes, corrections, etc. They also write you a letter about what they thought. While they're doing the in-class critique, you are supposed to sit there and not talk. You don't get a rebuttal!!!! :) I was absolutely terrified about going into my workshop. I don't take criticism well!!! Also remember, like the two boys in the class I am a novelty. I'm not 19. I've got kids. So I already feel like I either just blend into the wall for them or for some of them, they find me somewhat of a spectacle. But I was just scared that they wouldn't like it, or wouldn't get it...... yeah, I was right.
Well that morning for workshop I basically made the decision to look down and look like I was writing the whole time because you are supposed to be taking notes, etc. So what I'm going to do here is give you the train of thought I was having through the whole process, because I wrote it all down!!! But before I do, I need to give you a little background on some of the "characters" in my class. You all know Dr. Skinny. Well there is also "Miss Superiority." She is just one of those people who thinks they are far more superior to anyone else in the class. Whatever she says or writes is something all of us should pay special attention to.... oh and she has been abroad and no one else has so that immediately makes her better than everyone else as well! Her story was just an extension of that ..."look at me! look how special i am! i've been abroad! i'm so pretty! aren't you jealous???" Then there is Mag. I love Mag. At first I thought that she could be annoying.... she would talk too much, or that she over-explained things, or that she was totally in to the shock factor. Mag writes exotic/ fantasy stories I think. But she has become someone I'm just thrilled to see walk in the door. She makes me laugh. She's so "out there." Her story was good but ridiculously tame. I was shocked it was so normal and told her so! Then there is "Curly" who sits on the other side of me and she is one of the only other people in the room that I actually know her name because she sits by me. She liked my story and complimented in greatly in one of our small group pre-workshops so I like her. :) Her story was a fun read. It was cute and sweet and funny and kept me into it. Then there is "Mr. Pretentious Ass." He is one of the two boys in the class. I think he looks like Napoleon Dynamite and that's like all I can think when I look at him. But he is like the little class mascot because he's such a novelty and has more personality than the other boy in the class who sits quietly in the corner and I think just prays the estrogen in the room won't attack him. Mr. Pretentious Ass always has much to say. He got his name because my Mag sent me a note in class and said "blank is a Pretentious Ass." So that's what I'm gonna call him. His story was actually really good, and of course followed mine on the day of workshop. Ok, so plenty of background for the workshop I think. And by the way, if you want to read the story that got torn to shreds in this class, I can probably send it to you. So here goes "ginnie's train of thoughts through her horrible workshop." It might be hard to follow cause you weren't there and it's just my train of thoughts..... but maybe you can get through it.

Ok, I can't breathe. I had to read the first paragraph and now I really can't breathe and I didn't take my beta blocker last nite so I'm fairly certain my heart will now shoot through my chest and land on my paper on my desk and boy won't that just add to the scene.
This is excrutiating. I'm just going to write and write so i can look down the whole time.
things people said work in the story: familiar idea (bottletrees), Mrs. Ford (static character...huh??), it's not forceful but holds attention, narrative voice and its assertiveness that needs to continue. Need more sass rest of story. Got lost in there somewhere (hey, now I thought we were still supposed to be talking about positives!)
ok, people aren't jumping up to give out positives, things they liked.
Said description of husband and relationship, descriptions in general
Ok now Dr. Skinny asks for things that can be improved. oh hell.

sounded like an autobiography or excerpt from. too much inner dialogue. inner conflict. not enough set up of inner turmoil. what is she afraid of in taking down art? is she in fear of bad coming back?
More backstory, what happened in breakdown, etc
too interior and not dynamic enough.
Mag just leaned over and wrote "doo doo" on my notebook. makes me smile. i guess the tension is now radiating off of me.
speakers are redundant--- use space for backstory. choose one neighbor as representative
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
her feelings on council/mayor
Now Mag leans in and writes "don't think about penises" and Dr. Skinny now calls us out. She says, "LADIES." Mag looks up and says, "I'm writing her notes on her paper," Dr. Skinny answers with, "I know but you are distracting me." Now Dr. Skinny has never called out anyone in class. So this is not a good way to hope that no one is noticing me. Dammit. I just sit there, and I had never answered Mag's "notes."
What is a bottletree? lots of people don't know what a bottletree is. HUH????
Conflict sooner.... didn't understand what was going on, trial, etc
First name needed, her name seems formal and she's not, description of the protagonist, even of her change, chose to describe others throughout but not self.
Ending wasn't satisfying - either get mad or something- she conformed too easily. Why??
How far in healing process? maybe complies bc she's far enough removed from it that she knows she doesn't need the stuff.
change to happen gradually throughout story
i'm gonna puke now
prompted by something---point of change---could use husband's look
add more, not really take anything out
drug rehab steps??? wha??? the apologize step?? oh like earl. ha ha ha.
bottletrees description was choppy and miss superiority who is better than everyone else didn't follow. (it was not.) She says that narrator says there are 7 but only counts 5 in the description. she's wrong. Dr. Skinny attempts to point out that there are descriptions of 7 but miss superiority seems to not notice someone might be telling her she's wrong. Miss superiority is really confused because she doesn't know what a bottle tree is. might need better description. Dr. Skinny asks for show of hands of how many people know what a bottletree is. Only half, maybe more raise hands. Who doesn't know what a bottletree is? These people need to get out of house more. Are they from the south??? good lord.
I need liquor. and possibly a cigarette at this point. (and so Curly is apparently reading what I'm writing over my shoulder. so she busts out with, out loud, "Do you really??" I look at her and ask her what's she talking about. She says, "do you really need liquor and a cigarette??" I reach over and mock slap her ..... "HUSH!" she says she felt exactly same way day of hers. again, let's draw attention to me.)
Mr. Pretentious Ass talks about remembering an acid trip fondly but that this is a recovery story. HUH??? Oh my gosh. they think the whole story is drug related. Well crap. Maybe leave out acid reference? just lights maybe.
Miss superiority asks about kids. says story implies she has more but she only mentions one. why she have to ask that?? why was that important. i only mention one that is important to story, you idiot
Dr. Skinny has on pink shoes today.
Ok we're done with my story. I realize that Miss Superiority has completely marked up my paper with a pink pen. pink. and has totally re-written some of my lines cause she's so much smarter than me.
Ok Mr. Pretentious Ass's story is up. Oh everyone loves it. They just talk and laugh and smile! well shit.
Miss Superiority just HAS to reference herself being in Australia. how in the crap does she get that in???
Of course, Mr. Pretentious Ass has questions for the class. Of course.


Ok, so yeah. That was it. It really was much more horrible than it comes across. Sorry for the PG rating too by the way.
Ok well in the time i've written this blog Josh has: smashed a banana all over himself and floor. pooped his diaper. poured a cup of water on the ottoman. put 15 crayons in the cup with an eighth of an inch of water in it. used an orange crayon to color on the armoire. busted the gate down to get out of the living room. shaked his booty to Dora and loved it. used the colors to poke fat cat til she gets up and leaves without biting or swiping at him because she has far more patience than i do.
So now I have to go. gotta change a diaper and clean up smushed banana with water now dripping on it.