humor me

see her smile but not in her eyes
yes that smile that never reaches her eyes
i'd never seen anyone so dead inside

and i did it
i know i've killed her
still she moves and cruelly her heart still beats
but i killed anything in her that was ever sweet
or good or happy
i stole her joy to save myself
and now
now she has nothing left

she wishes she could stop breathing
but she's too weak to do it
she thinks maybe if
she keeps living
i might change my mind....

sorry for the morbidity ..... i've been kinda mopey lately. guess its the weather. or the doctor's offices. been listening to too much music and reading (twilight, dang it... guess that's what made the above song appeal to me-reminded me of it) too much!!! but it brought up a part of me that some people know about me and some people don't. I'm obsessed with music. I don't get to spend nearly enough time in it as I'd like to. But I don't just like music. I like the lyrics, the sounds.... each individual instrument and how they sound together. I love unpredictable elements like strings in rock music.... one of the reasons I like Yellowcard. I love indie groups and stuff that's way overplayed. I like rock, pop, classical, hard rock, alternative, college, everything.... although I don't care for country much. I try to get past it but I can't. If I hear a song I like I go research lyrics.... usually, if the lyrics aren't any good, I kinda get over it pretty quick. I listen to things that other people don't. I listen to stuff that most people tell me I'm too old for. Which is just simply ridiculous to me. What in the world makes me "too old" to listen to music? A 15 year old boy can write a song that could appeal to me as easily as a 40 year old woman. It depends on what it says.... not who writes it. I love to find out about new stuff or old stuff I didn't know about. I love for people to tell me about stuff they think I'll like. I like talking about music. I like to write lyrics too.... but i'm not very good.... I actually haven't even written any in a year. I actually wrote my first one a year ago today so I guess that's what made me think of it. I'd never thought of writing before, but it just kinda came to me. It was odd. Words have popped in my head since then too, but I usually just turn them in to poems nowadays! :) I do have a notebook I keep ideas in so hopefully I can write more now since I won't be doing it for assignments. So I've finally put a playlist on here. I know it's a random assortment of songs, but I think it shows my wide taste range! The lyrics to all of these are good though. And every now and then maybe I'll put some more lyrics on here if I read some good ones......